Har ek friend zaruri hota hai

People say the best friends you make are in school and since I was bullied all through school, I really don't have any friends from school but it's not like I didn't try. I tried, I tried so hard all through school and college to build friendships that count, and yet I have just a handful of friends but none the ones I can count on. then too, one thing I can say for sure, I wanted to make friends in school and college and that is the time where you know, friends kind of happen- actual friendships kind of happen even though it did not happen with me but I have seen them happening.

As I stepped into my mid-20s, I kind of categorized people into so many types of "friends"- there are strangers, acquaintances, not so much of a friend, semi-friend, okay friend, and actual friends (scrubbed off the concept of best friend entirely) but alas, that concept is only understood by me so I call all these people "friends" which is difficult for people to understand since they say you have so many friends but they don't know I have categorized them into the above categories in my head and I don't actually think of them as friends because for me being able to call someone a friend-friend, he/she must have given a lot to me which I have never received and never received from my not so much of a friend, semi friend, okay friend. 

I will be trapped if I get into the details and characteristics of the categories of friends I have made but I would say this- I sometimes may feel weird about this whole scenario but most of the time I feel I have the right to choose people and what they mean to me so regardless of the fact what people think and say about my mechanism, it works seamlessly as I can keep a check of my expectations- both give and take depending on the category I have put that person is and in therapeutic language, this may be similar to compartmentalization, only this kind of compartmentalization is for people who are related to my emotions and I have every right to keep myself sane and healthy minded.